The Russians did it

 - Have you seen Russians with your own eyes? - asked a young guy with curly black hair.

- Where would I, pal? Never. Only in movies. So, would you say it counts?

- One time we watched a banned video and I say...

- Don't tempt your fate, Patrick! - said the fat driver in a plaid shirt. He gave his advice as an older friend to his young passenger, - leave Russians to the prison where they belong.

- That's a good quote! So, in that video, there was one Russian...

- Well, and ...?

- Just he wasn't like the creatures we see in movies. He didn't have any horns or hooves. He was even able to speak!

- Horns are bullshit! Certainly, they are human. I tell you what happened in my auto shop before you joined. Some Russians tried to evade taxes. They funneled the money from their deals to my account.

- Are you serious?!

- Absolutely. But the Judge pronounced: 'You, Harry Joseph Coleman, are innocent. For your troubles - blame Russians'.

- What do you think? Why do they do all this shit?

- I don't know. In my opinion, they just cannot help doing evil.

They are fu**ing crazy! For instance, yesterday I heard our President on CNN.

She said that we are the Goodness and Light, but Russians are the evil and darkness.

She repeated it fifteen times no less. Not fourteen as the last time, but fifteen! Why wouldn't we trust her?

- Maybe, though...

But Patrick could not finish the sentence. A blurred silhouette flashed in the headlights. They heard a loud thud in front and something heavy fell on the hood.

Coleman stepped on the brake, the car jerked to a halt, and the heavy dark object slipped off the hood into the darkness. Coleman and Patrick exchanged horrified looks and got out of the car.

The sky was clear, and the wet asphalt shone in the light of the full moon.

- Jesus! It's Frank! - exclaimed Coleman after he bent over the motionless body.

- My neighbor. His farm is not far from mine. But what the hell was he doing here at this time?

- Is he alive? - Patrick asked faintly without getting any closer.

- Does not seem so! But how did Russians lure him on the highway and knocked down to death? - uttered Coleman deep in thought on this way back to the car, - Damn! These Russian bastards dented my car too!

Patrick took out his phone and dialed a number.

- Who are you calling? - barked Coleman.

- The police.

- No, call the Russians Trapping Service. Quickly!

- But I think first we must call the police.

- For the love of God, Patrick, what are you talking about? The police have been disbanded!

Besides, who do you think could have committed this atrocity? - Coleman angrily pointed at the motionless body. - Me? Or maybe you want *ME* sent to prison instead of Russians?

- Oh, no! Of course, not, Harry!

- Then immediately call the Federal Russians Trapping Service! - Coleman said sharply.

Patrick stepped aside and pressed the phone to his ear, fearfully squinting at his boss.

- Hello! Police? - Patrick only managed to whisper into the phone before the back

of his head was crushed by a blow of a huge wrench.

The young man fell lifelessly on the pavement, but Coleman kept on hitting the head of his employee lying in the light of his car's headlights. The moonlight kept flooding the road.

- Oh no! - Coleman yelled in a dramatic voice. - Russians! Why did you kill him? What have you done, Russians?! Why have you eliminated your spy in such a cruel manner?

Harry Coleman returned home late after midnight.

- Oh, Harry! - screamed in horror his wife, seeing him covered in blood from head to toe. - My dear, what happened? I tried to call you, but no one picked up. And where's your new mechanic you invited to dinner?

- Too many questions, Nancy! - Harry grumbled as he took off his shirt. - Russians, damned Russians! They are everywhere! They hit Frank to death and then killed Patrick!

- What a terrible nightmare!

- Oh, yes, but I called the Russians Trapping Service. Thank Heaven they arrived and immediately figured it out. The only thing not clear is what Frank was doing at this time on the road.

- Oh, dear... - Nancy lowered her eyes shyly.

- What?! - Coleman frowned.

- He was coming back from me... - started wife. - You see, he came here to borrow some tool, and then Russians appeared and forced us to ... You understand?

Coleman's throat spasmed and he lost his breath. He sat down on the old couch in front of the working TV.

There the President was standing on the podium in front of microphones.

Now she repeated sixteen times that we are the Light and Goodness, but Russians are the darkness and evil.

Coleman slowly looked up at the screen and stared blankly for several minutes. Finally, he hit his knee hard with his fist.

- How?! - he exclaimed. - And how can one not believe her after all the horrors that Russians are doing to us?!

-- by Alexander Subbotin --

translated Dmitry Nikonov 2022

мкд: https://dzen.ru/obyvatel